Are You O.K.?
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Several non-people of color have been checking in on me in the face of yet another moment of white America, recognizing its relationship status with Black people is complicated. I know these types of conversations are familiar to some Black folks. They are new to me. Now I know why. . .
Harriet Tubman led the underground railroad while suffering from narcolepsy. Chadwick Boseman made several films while undergoing cancer treatment. Resilience is personal. One person’s paper cut is another person’s machete slice.
I have been the primary caretaker for elders, by whose bedside I stood as they passed from this life to the next- while being a dual-preneur. I honored their passing, shared the loss with close friends, and continued working purposefully. Purpose is my place of rest and feeds my resilience. It is how I process grief.
Those calls initially felt intrusive — outside of my focus. But I gave space for other people to practice empathy and to hopefully gain understanding. However, I also invited them into action. I offered this for those who could hear:
Black people have been in an abusive relationship with white America for hundreds of years. The neighbors can hear the screams. The domestic violence — no — racial terror is public and trending. Racial Terror has been normalized.
While I appreciate the question, “Am I ok?” consider a new question, “Are you?” Even better…“Who are you in this story?”
Are you the neighbor who hears violent screams next door and rationalizes your distance? Or do you realize these screams are coming from inside your own home? Maybe the mirror shattered, and you knelt to pick up the pieces only to see your reflection and realize the screams are coming from you.
You are not ok.
I think non-people of color who care could benefit from finding a Black therapist to talk to about privilege. Like if you had a rare disease, would you do everything you could to find out how to heal?
Former NFL safety Ryan Clark reminded us that Colin Kaepernick didn’t kneel to fix a system that was broken. He knelt to change a system that works perfectly for those it was designed to serve.
In his poem 20 Years, the poet Propaganda tells the story of race in America through the metaphor of an abusive marital relationship. He raises a pivotal question. “… if justice comes before reconciliation, how can we talk about unity if you are not ready to admit you are wrong?”
We are not ok. But we can be.
